19-year-old daughter is tired of being her non-English speaking parent's sole translator, refuses to keep carrying the load alone after her older brother returns from living abroad and is excused from helping: 'My parents act like he's the golden child'

Author image for Emma Saven
Emma Saven
Aug 9, 2025 6:00 AM EDT

Learning any language can be difficult, and then throw a little Duolingo in the mix to make it even more interesting…The number of times I've had to translate 'I am a dove' is actually concerning. When would I ever be in a situation where I needed to introduce myself as some white form of the pigeon species? 

Living in a country that has a different home language will bring some challenges, I speak from experience. You thought you were ordering a couch online, but a plumber arrived at the door to fix your shower. You tried to make a visa appointment at the embassy for Thursday, but in fact you booked it for August 2027…and you think you sound like a hot local when ordering that delicious new martini on the menu…but you've just asked the waiter if he lives with extra olives…

Now… I may or may not admit that these experiences hit very close to home, and at the time, I (not me) wish I had a little human translator to help me out. I would have avoided a lot of unnecessary embarrassment and a lot of plungers…

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  • However, some people are fortunate to have bilingual friends, children, spouses, and even pets.

    But that does not mean that everyone wants to have to translate the ABCs for you constantly! Especially this sister, she is over being the human translator for her parents after they decided to move abroad when she was a child. Her brother moved to another country, so she was the only morsel of English hope for her parents, meaning she was always responsible for everything they couldn't understand, which was everything! So when her English-speaking brother moves back home and refuses to help… she removes her translating abilities and throws them out the window. 

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    Young woman teaching English on the computer
    via Tima Miroshnichenko

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITA for refusing to translate for my parents after my brother moved back in and took over my role in the house ?

    I (19F) am the only one in my family who is fully fluent in English. My parents immigrated when I was a baby, and my older brother (22M) moved back to our
    via nina_daltry
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    home country when he was 10 to be raised by our grandparents. He recently moved back in with us after 12 years abroad.
    via nina_daltry
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    For most of my life, I've been the one handling everything for my parents: filling out forms, translating at appointements, reading legal documents, talking
    via nina_daltry
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    to banks, scheduling anything. I've done this since I was about 11. It was exhausting, but I didn't question it because I knew they needed help.
    via nina_daltry
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    Since my brother came back, things changed. He speaks decent English now, not perfect, but enough to help. Except... he doesn't. He just act like he's too
    via nina_daltry
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    good for it. And somehow, my parents act like he's the golden child. They dote on him, praise him constantly, and now they only speak to me when they need something.
    via nina_daltry
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    A week ago, they asked me to take time off work to translate at an immigration appointment for my mom. I said I couldn't,
    via nina_daltry
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    because I had a shift I couldn't miss, and I suggested they ask my brother instead. My mom said, "He's not used to this stuff. It's easier with you."
    via nina_daltry
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    I snapped a little and said, "yeah, because I've been forced to do it for years." I told them I was tired of being treated like a tool just
    via nina_daltry
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    because I happen to speak English better, especially now that they have another adult child living here. My dad told me I was being ungrateful and that" family helps without complaining."
    via nina_daltry
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    Since then, they've been cold. My brother said I was being "dramatic" and that it's not his fault they trust me more. But it's not about trust, it's that they've
    via nina_daltry
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    never even asked him. I've missed school, work, and social events to translate for them. He's been here three months and hasn't lifted a finger.
    via nina_daltry
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    Son sitting with his senior parents on the couch
    via robertkneschke

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    Now I feel guilty. I don't want to abandon them, but I also don't want to keep carrying this alone just because I was born here and he wasn't. AITA for refusing to be their translator anymore?
    via nina_daltry
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    DCpurpleTart33 Definitely NTA. Tell them in no uncertain terms that you are very happy to help, if you are available. You will not be taking off work or missing important events but if you're free, you look forward to assisting. If they have a problem with this, they can go ahead and be cold. You just need to be prepared for their reaction.
    via DCpurpleTart33
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    nina_daltry OP Yeah, that's exactly how I'm trying to handle it now. I wanted to help when I can, but I also have my own life and responsabilities. I've missed a lot already and honestly, it's frustrating that they expect me to drop everything every single time. If they get upset, that's on them, I can't keep burning out trying to be their full-time translator and assistant. I just wish my brother would step up too.
    via nina_daltry
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    Competitive_Bad4537 YTA. You live with your parents. They don't trust your brother's English. You might have perfectly valid reasons to feel how you do but this isn't the way to handle it.
    via Competitive_Bad4537
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    nina_daltry OP I get it and yeah, I do live with my parents, its true they don't fully trust my brother with the English stuff yet, but honestly, it's also because he never really tries or offers to help. They say stuff like "he's not used to this" but from what I see, it's just an excuse so they don't have to ask him
    via nina_daltry
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    celticmusebooks If it's a government office they are legally required to provide an interpreter.
    via celticmusebooks
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    Alexreddit103 Well, isn't your brother part of that thing "family helps each other"?
    via Alexreddit103
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    Hippopotasaurus-Rex My own bias is going to play a role here. Let the golden child handle all of it. Keep parents at arms distance (or if needed not at all).
    via Hippopotasaurus-Rex
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    DependentMarsupial99 NTA-I don't know your culture however it doesn't excuse your parents for being to depend on you when the roles are supposed to be reversed, at least here in the US
    via DependentMarsupial99

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Living-Abroad assistance failblog golden-boy grow up reading fed up teaching english helpful translating parenting over-seas understanding daughter writing son
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